Laying 2015 To Rest

Molly and I put another year to rest. She spent the day napping and I multitasked by napping and watching football and that is not a bad way to say goodbye to 2015. Molly and I went through a lot this past year. I can't say all of it was for the better but it happened, we weathered the storm, and we got past it. The past is where we plan on leaving all of the bad stuff behind. We will probably ring in the new year asleep because Midnight is way past our bed time but as often as I wake up, I am sure I will catch it about that time.

The Asa Of Guard Dogs

There was a character on The Andy Griffith Show named Asa and he was the guard at the bank in Mayberry. Every time something happened at the bank, the bank teller or bank president would have to wake him up so he could do something about it. I believe Molly has reached the Asa part of her guard dog life. Last night someone drove up to the house about 10:45 and since I wasn't expecting any guests, I did not know who it was. I heard them drive up, I got up and looked out the window to see if I recognized the car, and instead of at least barking to let me know something wasn't right, Molly slept through the entire incident. I think she may have growled when I bumped into her and woke her up when I got out of bed, but that was it.

Noah's Ark

If it rains much more, Molly and I are going to have to build an ark. As long as it is a light rain, Molly can handle it. Anything that beats down on her head, it is useless for me to even put the leash on her no matter how bad she has to go. If it is raining hard, Molly will lower her head and flatten her ears and immediately turn around and head back up the steps. She will not let me put a doggie rain suit on her. I, however, have my raincoat and my cool Indiana Jones looking hat that I wear. He had a cool whip though, and all I have is a cane or my crutches. It is hard to look cool when you are on crutches.

Christmas Is Over

Now that Christmas is over, Molly and I can sink back into our semi-normal routine of taking morning and afternoon walks, sneaking in an afternoon nap, and Molly providing the inspiration for me to write. Since it has done nothing but rain for the better part of a week, the walks have even been cut down some. Molly and I have been working on our goals and what we want to accomplish in 2016 and Molly insists that we include taking daily naps on the list. I may have to make a concession to her on that one because I will not be going back to work for about four more months and that is one goal I can definitely accomplish.

Molly & Me & Reality TV

Evidently they will put anyone with a wacky idea or theory (or a whole season's worth of wacky theories) in front of a TV camera and give him a voice. I was channel surfing this morning and I happened upon a show called Missing In Alaska. The premise of the show is that there is an Alaskan Triangle where during a certain time of year 5 out of every 1,000 people go missing, most of those never to be seen or heard from again.

The three "investigators"- Jax, Ken Gerhard, and Tommy Joseph- have researched aall sorts of local legends in search of missing people. Some of these local legends include a mermaid type creature, the otter man, and Alaskan monkeys that could possibly be eating people. Whenever the Jax, Ken, and Tommy find anything resembling "evidence", they pull out high tech gadgets, have experts test their samples, interview locals about the legends, give historical examples of sightings, and present their wacked out theories. Jax is usually skeptical, Ken always believes, and Tommy is never sure. At the end of the show, they have no confirmation of anything and they move on to something else.

I believe Animal Planet should give me and Molly a camera crew and they could follow us around on our daily walks. They could watch Molly take a healthy one on the neighbor's yard while I hide around the corner, we could "investigate" which dogs took a dump in our yard (my money is on that white flea bag that lives in the house through the woods), and we could investigate what happened to that rabbit the other night. The only traces left of the rabbit where tufts of fur scattered in a small circle in my yard near the woods. I am almost afraid to find out what tore into the rabbit but my guess is a more reasonable theory of Fluffy, the neighbor's cat. I have not learned yet how to come up with off the wall, wacked out theories yet.

A Christmas Story

I found out my Mom's breast cancer was back on Christmas Day. We did not discuss it but it was definitely the elephant in the room. That is not something you can put back in the box and take back to where you got it. She got the results back from her biopsy on Christmas Eve but we are not going to sit down and talk about it as a family until sometime next week. My Mom will be 80 years old in about three weeks. That does not make the news any easier.

The cancer was discovered during a routine mammogram. She has had breast cancer before and it was about ten years ago. They found it during a routine exam then as well. I will really not know anything until next week. That is the worst part of hearing news like this. I want someone to take action now. I know I am rambling but I am trying to make sense of this. I don't guess it is ever going to make sense but writing, rambling, and being incoherent is the only way I can deal with it.

Molly's Christmas Wish

Molly's Christmas wish is really pretty simple. Molly was a rescue dog. I got her from an animal shelter. Molly's wish is that all dogs great and small, pure bred and mixed, young and old, can be adopted into a home where they will become a valued member of the family, loved and respected, given treats and belly rubs, take long walks in good weather and bad, and to become the best friend that they deserve to be. Cartoonist Charles Schultze once wrote "Happiness is a warm puppy." True happiness is having that puppy by your side and sharing every experience possible as you grow old together.

Molly's Festivus For The Rest Of Us

In keeping with Seinfeld 's time honored tradition of the "Festivus For The Rest Of Us", Molly has her own version of the Festivus. First came the Festivus aluminum pole. Molly really never cared for Christmas trees (she could tell it wasn't real) except to slap the occasional cat out of them so the aluminum pole suited her just fine. Plus after Festivus is over the pole can double as a stripper's pole so the pole can stay up year round.

Next on the list was the feats of strength and Molly always excelled at this one. On our daily walks there will sometimes be a cat that wanders out into our path and Molly can completely pull a 220 pound man (that's my story and I am sticking to it) completely off the ground, walking boot for my surgically repaired foot that adds about 10 pounds and all, and that requires a great amount of strength. If there is a direction she really wants to go, we go. The closing of the feats of strength ends with me limping back to the house to pop painkillers and that usually signals the end of Festivus. A good time was had by all and Happy Festivus everyone!

Christmas And Molly

Molly used to love Christmas and I have always made her part of the family celebration. I would always buy her a present, wrap it and put it under the tree, and let her participate in the opening of the presents. I would tear off a little corner of the package to get her started and she would go to town tearing the wrapping paper off. That was her favorite part. One year I bought her a pet bed and she used it for about five years until she figured out that she could lay on my bed full time. I don't buy her anything any more because everyday is Christmas for Molly.

Molly's Owner Turns 50

I turned 50 years old yesterday and Molly was right there with me as she always has been since the day I got her. Molly provided the "party's" (me and my girlfriend) entertainment by chasing her leg around the carpet for about ten minutes. Molly has always been the life of the party. My girlfriend tried to get a video of Molly chasing her leg but as soon as the camera phone came out, Molly stopped. Molly's philosophy has always been "if there is no video proof then it couldn't have happened."

50 has always been the top of the hill and now I guess I am supposed to go crashing down the other side of it. There has never been any grace to anything I have ever done so why should I start now? I will stumble, I will fall, and getting back up may sometimes be a struggle but I will eventually make it back to my feet. I might limp and I might crawl along the way but I will finish with style and that will be a style that is uniquely all my own. Molly and I limp down the driveway on our daily walks but we always end up back at the house.

The Best Part Of A Rainy Day

As far as Molly is concerned, the best part of a rainy day is coming in and being dried off with a big fluffy towel. The way Molly's fur coat absorbs the water, I briefly thought of tossing her in the dryer and fluffing her up but she quickly vetoed that idea. We walked out into a very steady rain this morning and Molly picked this morning to want to prance through the mud. I quickly vetoed that idea. I usually try to hold an umbrella over Molly's head to lessen the damage of the rain and it helps a little bit (it helps me look stupid). Molly walks right to the linen closet when we come back in, knowing that she is going to be towel dried. She likes me to get those ticklish spots right beside her rib cage and her foot starts thumping when I do that. After the drying, I give her the two treats and all is right in Molly's World.

Connected

I thought it rather appropriate for my 25,000 "official" tweet on Twitter should be from Molly's World. Molly and I have been "connected" with the social media for quite a while now and Molly might have more pictures of herself posted on Facebook than any other dog out there. She gets thousands of more compliments than I do but Molly is a good looking dog and she knows it. Molly is less connected on Twitter than she is Facebook but she has her share of admirers on there as well. Everybody loves a dog and if they don't, then there is something wrong with them.

Unseasonably Warm

We are having an unseasonably warm spell in the mountains where Molly and I live and she is undergoing an early shedding phase. She will be balder than a baby's butt by the time winter does get here. When we walk outside now in the near 70 degree heat in the middle of December, I rub Molly's fur coat down with my hand and her fur comes out by the handful. Molly has always been bad to shed but it usually calms down quite a bit during the winter months. Not this year. It is too bad I do not know how to knit Molly's fur into sweaters or I would have some great Christmas presents.

Molly Talks To Me

Molly talks to me and it took me a little time to understand what she was saying but she is usually very vociferous when she says anything. This afternoon I split my plate of leftover chicken with her and he let me know when her plate was empty. She also wanted to know where the rest of it was at. She ended up flipping the empty plate over onto the floor just in case I did not understand what she was saying. She came through loud and clear but I was out of chicken anyway.

Walking Molly Is My Treat

My foot has finally healed up enough to where I can wear the protective boot and take Molly on walks at least down the driveway. We can't go off the beaten path yet like Molly so often likes to do or brawl with the neighbors dogs yet (we are still a couple of months away from being able to do that but the little white dog that took a dump in my front yard this morning has an ass whipping coming to him) but we are slowly getting there. I don't think I will ever be pain free again so Molly and her bad hips and me and my bad feet stagger down the driveway like a couple of wino's on a Saturday night or my old roommate any time of the day, any day of the week. I was surprised at how incredibly important it was for me to be able to walk Molly. You would think I was trying to walk on the Moon but being able to walk Molly is part of the healing process for me, physically and mentally.

Dogs On Video

I just saw a video on Facebook where some dog owner had set up a video camera in her bedroom and the basic premise was that the dog was not allowed on the bed. The dog looked like maybe a boxer or something and it shows the woman walking out of the room but there is a cat sleeping on the very edge of the bed. If I was the dog, I would have been pissed. She allowed the stinking, butt licking cat on the bed but not the dog? The video shows the dog moving past the camera a couple of times and then the dog finally gets on the bed and has a field day. He is rolling on it, scratching his back, and doing roll overs. The dog finally gets around to going over and kicking the cat in the ass. If I can find out who the dog is, Molly and I will send him enough dog treats to last him a month. That is a clear cut case of dog discrimination.

Cookie Thief and Bean Stealer

Molly has somehow gotten into the habit of stealing my girlfriend's cookies right out of her hands. If you have any item of food in your hand and hold it low enough to where she can get to it, Molly believes it is for her. The same is true with any item of food in a bowl. I was sitting in my bedroom enjoying a game of Madden 16 and having a bowl of baked beans as snack. I sat the bowl down for just a second and Molly snuck off the bed and before I could stop her, was finishing off my bowl of baked beans.

The last thing I needed was Molly and a bellyful of baked beans. As it turns out, they seem to have the same effect on dogs that they do on human beings. Molly proceeded to gas me out of the house for the rest of the night and it was not a pleasant experience. I plan to never make that mistake again.

The Days Get Shorter

I was taking Molly out for our late afternoon walk and the sun starts sinking low over the mountains about 4:15 now. The setting sun produced some strange effects on our shadows and Molly and I got philosophical for a minute. Job 14:5 reminds us that "a man's days are numbered" but so is any living creature. We do not know when it is our time and this long stretch off from work has allowed me to absorb as much as the world has to offer me. It is not letting me in on all of it's secrets but it is sharing with me as much as I can handle. The time off has allowed me perspective and another opportunity.

I Talk To Molly

I talk to Molly like I would a real person and I know I am in trouble when she starts answering me back. I asked Molly a question the other night that I am sure that most dog owners have at least thought of asking their dog and that is "How clean does your ass actually have to be?" The way Molly licks her ass you would think that she is getting it ready to be a butthole model for a dog magazine of some kind. She was licking and slurping on it the other night like a family full of large people would treat the breakfast buffet at the Golden Corral. The real problem with that situation was that she woke me up at 3 A.M. doing it. Molly has no shame that is for sure. Buck, the Bundy family dog on the television show Married With Children said that the key to life is "knowing how to sniff good butt." Knowing how to lick good butt cannot be far behind.