What Is That Funky Smell?

To paraphrase the late comedian Richard Pryor "What is that funky smell?" There is something in my apartment that stinks real bad and if my nose can pick up on it, I know it has to be killing Molly. She has a nose like a bloodhound, even in her old age. I have been trying to pack up some stuff so we can get ready to move out and I don't know if she has killed something, or is is something in my refrigerator or what, but it is something funky that you can smell as soon as you open my door. That is why I am surprised she has not complained more than she has.

Animal Farm

Molly and I paid a visit to our future home today, a place I have named "Animal Farm" after the George Orwell novel. It has a eclectic collection of animals, none of which Molly has ever been exposed to before. I was very nervous because I did not know how Molly would react. The first animals we ran into was the lambs and Molly could not figure them out. For that matter, I could not figure them out. Molly gently approached their pen and smelled of them and slowly backed up. The lambs started circling their pen like circling the wagons. The chickens were not the attention getter that I thought they would be. Mandy the dog caught her attention but Mandy was wanting to play and Molly does not have that kind of patience. It will be interesting to see what happens but we are off to a better start than I thought.

The Lightning Bugs

I was out last night taking Molly on her last walk of the evening and Molly started acting very jumpy. She acted like she was having hallucinations or something so i started watching her more closely. I finally figured that it was the lightning bugs that were out that were making her so jumpy. Every time one would fly by her and light up Molly would flinch and take off running. As fast as she could run anyway. Molly, my big, brave dog.

The AC Goes Out

I normally use this as a forum to tell light hearted stories about me and my dog Molly. Our AC went out the other day and the fastest way to piss me off is to threaten the health of my dog. Molly roasting like a turkey is a threat to her health as it is a threat to every dog's health. Dogs in hot cars, dogs outside without water and shade, is dogs being mistreated. I have to protect my dog. She protected me.

Like A Turtle

Molly, being 12 years old now, is pleasantly plump to say the least. I like to say that she carries around her "winter weight" all year long. The other day, Molly was laying on her side and on her back and she heard a dog barking out on the walkway. That immediately caught her attention and she tried getting up so she could pay proper attention to the "intruder". She looked like a turtle that was stuck on its back trying to flip over. Her legs were flailing in the air and she was trying to roll over. It was funny but she did not appreciate me laughing at her. She finally did manage to roll over.

I Accept Your Tribute

Any new guest I have come to the apartment needs to bring Molly a tribute, usually in the form of a treat or other food item. My last guest brought Molly a bacon and cheese (her two favorites) cheese treat that she had bought at one of the local retail stores on the cheap. Molly accepted the tribute with her usual grace by taking it gently out of her hand and scarfing it down. You have to know how to pay off the dog.

The Chaperone

I cannot have a guest over without Molly playing the part of the chaperone no matter what time of day or night it is. Molly always has to position herself in between me and my guest at all times whether we are sitting there watching TV or laying on the bed. Even it is 3 AM, there Molly is trying to wedge her way in between us so we don't get too familiar with each other. I think it is kind of funny and some of my guests do and some don't. Molly is part of the social landscape in my apartment and that just has to be accepted.

I'm Getting Wet

I took Molly on her afternoon walk when I got from work and I took her to the "dog park" my apartment complex has set up (they call it a dog park but it is really nothing more than a small dog run) but it provides a use. I get to take her off her leash for a few minutes so she can pee on some mulch that other dogs have peed on but other than that, Molly is not impressed. They have a field right beside the dog park and they had the sprinkler system on. I t reached slightly over the edge of the fencing at the dog park and Molly got a little bit too close to the "rain drops." The look on Molly's face when she got hit by the water was priceless. I couldn't help but laugh because she did not know what hit her. I thought it was funny. Molly not so much.

A New Friend

Molly Met the woman I have been dating for the first time this weekend. You have to take into consideration the fact that me and this woman have been dating for 4 months and they are just now meeting. I was apprehensive and it went about like I expected it would. Molly, upon introduction, has to inspect the new guest and growl and snarl and let her know who is boss and exactly whose apartment this is. The answer would be Molly's apartment. Molly will be your friend but do not pet the dog. There shall be no touching of the dog. She made the mistake of trying to pet MNolly on the second day and Molly told her to back up in a hurry. She'll take a nap with you but don't touch her.

Happy Birthday!

Today is Molly's 12th birthday so I bought her some special treats and we are going to have a quiet celebration, just the two of us, pretty much the way it has been for the past three years. I never could understand my fathers "love affair" with his dogs but i understand it better than ever now. Molly represents unconditional love. She is going to show me love and loyalty no matter what I do, no matter what I have done, or how bad my day has been. She is going to greet me the same way every day. She is going to yawn, stretch, and wag her tail, and not necessarily in that order. She is going to want to go out, she is going to want a nap, and she is going to want attention. Also not necessarily in that order. It has been 12 great years and I would love to be able to say it's going to be 12 more but that is not the way a dog's life runs.

I Will Lead

This morning at 6:30 AM when Molly and I were on our first walk of the day, I decided to let Molly lead instead of forcing her in a direction that I wanted to go. We made just a big wide circle around my neighborhood. It was a walk that was unspoiled by other dogs and their owners so it was a nice quiet walk. I wished we got to do that every day but people can spoil anyone's good time, especially if your idea of a good time is a nice quiet, walk with your dog. Molly got to smell wherever she wanted to, pee on whatever she wanted to, and she got to use the bathroom in privacy out along the edge of the woods. John Feinstein wrote A Good Walk Spoiled. It was about golf. This walk was not spoiled.

Round And Round She Goes

There are times when walking Molly can be a frustrating experience.This afternoon was one of those. I always take her out as soon as I get home and I hadn't been out of the door for five seconds when it started raining. Of course I had forgotten her doodoo bag so we had to venture out into the woods. More so than normal, anyway, so we wouldn't be caught by the doodoo cops. The doodoo cops are like their own covert police force that roams around my apartment complex. Molly and I are out in the woods and it is starting to rain pretty hard by now. She can't decide where she wants to take a dump and she starts spinning in circles. I don't even think NASA could have determined where this one was going to splash down at. I thought she was going to make herself dizzy. She finally got situated, did her thing, and I took off back towards my apartment.

More Pizza!

Last night I really didn't feel like going anywhere for dinner so I threw one of those cheap $1 frozen pizzas into the oven and called that dinner. I scarfed that down in a matter of minutes but I little bit of the crust and a scattering of toppings for Molly to finish off. I sat the plate down in front of Molly and she had licked the plate clean in about a minute. She looks at me and took her paw and slammed it down on the plate to get my attention. I looked over at her and she slammed her paw down on the plate again. Molly still didn't think I was getting the point so she slammed her paw down on the plate again and followed it up with a crisp "Woof!" All I had to offer her was a weak apology about being hungry and eating most of the pizza for myself. She stayed pissed at me for the rest of the night.

Classical Music For Dogs

While I was working today, a girl I work with ran across a CD that had a bunch of classical music selections on it for your dog to listen to. It had Beethoven, Brahms, Bach, Handel, and several other classical music greats. My reaction was "Molly sleeps enough now to where I have to check and see if she is still breathing. I doubt classical music is going to calm her down any more than that." The girl I work with told me about a new TV channel she called "Dog TV" that was geared for your dog to watch while you were at work or went out for the evening. The only TV show Molly was ever interested in was the show M*A*S*H but that was only because of the intro music. Maybe there is something to the classical music thing. What people will not do for their dogs.

A Good Report Card

I had to take Molly to a new kennel last Friday and I always get really nervous when I take Molly to a kennel she has never been to before. It is like dropping your child off at a new school. You never know how the "teachers" are going to be, how well they will be received by the other "students", and if your "child" will like it and adjust to their new surroundings. I drove up and it was a very nice place, lots of room, and a very good staff. They made a very good first impression. All of the other dogs vociferously greeted her which kind of unnerved med and Molly both but all of the barking should have been expected. She was only going to be there for two nights but I was still very nervous. When I went to pick her up, I got Molly's "report card" and the owner said she did very well. She didn't nip at anybody, went out for playtime and didn't cause any problems, and she also ate very well. I was a "proud parent" and I will have to give Molly and the kennel a gold star.

The Imperfect Wingman

Most dogs are supposed to help you get women. Not my Molly. She has always been bound and determined I am not going to have any fun. At all. On those rare occasions when I do get women to come over, Molly tries her best to ruin any chance I might have. One night I had one woman come over and we started to get comfortable on the bed watching TV and Molly had to play the part of chaperone and wedge herself in between us to ensure that nothing would happen. After about ten minutes of that, I firmly but politely shooed Molly out of the room and shut the door. Not to be out done, Molly starts launching herself at the closed door until she is able to break in and once again wedge herself between us. I, not to be deterred and not wanting to ruin the mood, kicked her Molly's ass out and locked the door and put a chair underneath the door knob to make sure she could not get in. Molly finally gave up and resigned herself to her fate of sleeping by herself in the living room. Molly has always been the type to get the last word in with any disagreement we might have. I got up to walk her the next morning and she had taken a big dump right by the front door and was actually sitting beside it with a dog smile on her face, proud of what she had done.I could not help but laugh at her. She is #MollyTheDog.....

Molly's Rodeo

This is another memory of Molly when she was a young pup. She used to love running through our house just as hard as she could go. She would be bouncing off the couch and off the bed and sliding all over the kitchen floor. We had an Ottoman sitting in the floor and she starts circling it like one of those calves you see in the Rodeo. I couldn't help but applaud Molly for going as hard and as fast as she could go and for doing it with style at the same time.

A Molly Memory

Every once in a while, I will have a memory of Molly and this one is too good not to share. Molly has always buried her dog treats and biscuits. She has buried them in the couch cushions, in piles of dirty laundry (many of the dog biscuits were freshly laundered), and wherever she thought she could hide them. One time in particular my wife (now my ex-wife) was in bed asleep and laying on her side. Molly ever so gently took the dog biscuits and started burying them under my wife's butt cheek. Molly gently took the sheet and started tucking it over her dog biscuits and under my wife's butt cheek. My wife never even woke up. I marveled and laughed at Molly's ingenuity and creativity and when my wife woke up, she could not figure out how the dog biscuits got in the bed with her. That really made me laugh....

You Caught Me

Just about every dog gets caught being guilty of something and Molly is no different. I don't care if it is getting caught trying to explore those great smells coming from the garbage can or trying to sneak a treat or sneak some food off the table, every dog eventually gets caught doing something they know they should not be doing. I have written before about the routine Molly and I go through every night with me having to help her up on the bed but when I am no where around, Molly looks like an Olympic High Jump champion getting on to the bed. The other night, I caught her doing it and she just had this guilty look on her face that said it all. It said, "you caught me" but later that night, she still needed help getting into the bed. Dogs may feel guilt but I am kind of doubting that they have a guilty conscience about anything.