Thunderstorms

Molly has a healthy dislike of thunderstorms as do most dogs. She woke me up at 4 A.M. this morning to inform me that we were having one and it was a good one too. Thunder, lightning, and the whole pyrotechnical and audio display. I am not going to complain about her waking me up, however. She woke me up at 2:30 A.M. one morning when I lived in Gastonia to tell me there was a tornado in the area. It touched down about 1/2 mile from my apartment.

This morning when Molly woke me up, she started with one little swipe of her tongue on my cheek. That initially got my eyes open and then I heard the distant rumble of thunder. I should have gotten up then but I dutifully tried rolling over and going back to sleep.

Molly wasn't going to allow that to happen. No matter how many times I rolled over and no matter what direction I faced, Molly was right there to remind me that it was storming, that I needed to get up and do something about it. After about 10 minutes of this, I went ahead and got up because I knew it was useless to try to go back to sleep as long as it was storming.

I went into my computer room and started watching TV. Molly curled up beside my feet and promptly went to sleep. I guess as long as I was up she felt safe enough to go back to sleep. She was not about to go outside and do her business. I am glad that one of us got to sleep.

Who Is Going To Take Care of Molly?

It looks like I am going to have to have foot surgery in about a week or so. It is going to put me on the shelf for about 5 or 6 months. As is the case with most dog owners, my first thought was "who is going to take care of Molly?" She is a diva and has to be treated as such.

I remember the last time I had foot surgery back in 2004. I actually broke my foot because of Molly but it really wasn't her fault. We have a dog pen out back that my wife insisted Molly stay in before she became the diva that she is today. When I had the surgery in 2004, Molly was staying in the house by then but while I was on the mend, my wife insisted that she stay out there again. As soon as my wife was out the door in the mornings and I thought the coast was clear, I would crawl through the backyard and get Molly and bring her in the house. About an hour before my wife was due to come home, I would crawl back out there and put her up. I almost got caught by my father-in-law one time but never by my wife.

This surgery, it is not going to be so simple. Molly is getting up in age, but still very headstrong, and I don't even think I am going to find anybody to help take care of me for the first week or so much less her. I'll figure something out. The thrill is gone because I won't be sneaking out there to get her but she is not just going to let anybody walk her. She has a preference for hot blondes so I may have to advertise. Molly will have the final say so, of course.

The Home Security System

I was watching TV the other afternoon and I hear a car pull up in the driveway. Actually Molly heard it pull up and she starts barking and carrying on so I knew someone must have arrived. I looked out the window and did not recognize the car so I had to shut Molly up in my bedroom until I figured who was ruining my peace and quiet.

A minute or so later, someone knocks on the door and this salesman immediately goes into his pitch. Molly is still barking her hairy butt off from behind closed doors. The salesman has a notebook with him that he spreads open so he was prepared to give me a picture presentation as well. He was a representative of a home security company.

His opening line is "Crime is out of control...." My response is "Excuse me, sir, could you listen to that?" He has a questioning look on his face and I say "That is my home security system going off now," in reference to Molly continuing to bark. Thus ended his sales presentation.

I lived in Charlotte for 2 1/2 years where crime is seriously out of control and the Charlotte-Mecklenburg County Police Department's advice to homeowners was to get a dog. Molly is getting older, she's over weight and out of shape, but she can still bark when something isn't right in the world. She's home security in a 60 pound bundle.

The Entitled Dog

I am sure just about everyone has seen the Youtube video about the Guilty Dog. The dog got into the cat treats while the owner was out and the owner "confronted" the dog and the dog felt so guilty about it, he couldn't even look the owner in the eye. The video made by the owner was classic, he set it to a song, posted it on Youtube, and it went viral. He even got to make a guest appearance on Good Morning America because of it.

Molly would have kicked the cat in the ass, ate the cats treats, and would have taken a two hour nap and slept like a baby, and wouldn't have felt guilty about any of it. Molly has too much of a sense of entitlement to feel guilty about anything. Molly's philosophy has always been if she can see it, it must belong to her; if its edible, it must have been made for her; and if I made the bed, it must be time for her to take a nap.

Dogs vs. People

Several years before my father passed away, he acquired two house dogs, Pee Wee and Sheba (he would later add a third and a fourth, Trixie and Bear) and he started spending all of his time with these dogs because he started hating people.

Saying he hated people may be a little bit strong because he didn't really hate people. He hated being around them, hating talking to them, and he really hated dealing with them. He felt people were always after something, were dishonest for the most part, and generally not to be trusted.

When I saw the movie Gran Torino with Clint Eastwood, the opening scene of the movie was set right after a funeral and Eastwood's character's reaction towards people reminded me of my father. He was grouchy as hell towards everyone and he just wanted those people- family, well wishers, or whoever- the hell out of his house.

My father valued his relationships with his dogs more than he did with any people. He took them everywhere with him and these dogs could do enough stupid pet tricks to make David Letterman proud. Molly can't do any tricks unless you consider "Take a nap!" and "Lick your butt!" tricks.

At that time, I thought the old dude was losing it but now that I look back on it, Pops may have been on to something. Me and my friend David were talking the other day and we both agreed that we hated dealing with people for pretty much the same reasons my father did. The whole conversation reminded me of my father and his dogs and I believe me and Molly are headed down the same path. Who needs people? I have a dog.

Molly and Her Guilt Trips

Every dog has a personality that is unique to them and Molly's is definitely unique. She has a way of making me feel guilty for the things I do (more often than not, don't do) and makes me question my qualifications as a dog owner.

Yesterday afternoon, I decided to stroll down to the mailbox and get the mail which is an everyday event and ordinarily not a big deal. I left Molly napping on the bed, slipped out the front door, got my bills and junk mail (its never anything good any more), and started back to the house. I happened to look up and Molly is standing there looking out the door at me. She has this look on her face that said "I cannot believe you went without me!" She watched me all the way until I got to the door and then she turned her back on me and went and laid back down. It took four dog biscuits and a belly rub to work my way back into her good graces.

It is getting ready to storm and Molly is usually plastered to my side during these events but she disappeared for several minutes. I went looking for her in my dark bedroom and she was laying in the floor. That is very unusual (and very much beneath her when there is a perfectly good bed ten feet away) for her and I flipped on the light to see what was wrong. She was laying beside her very empty water bowl. I still haven't worked my way back into her good graces for that one.

Molly As A Mentor

There is an organization in Asheville, Brother Wolf Animal Rescue, that does great work with animals and they are a friend of mine on Facebook. The other day they posted a picture of five adorable boxer mix puppies they had gotten in. They even posted a youtube video of them.

That got me to thinking about the possibility of getting Molly a puppy that she could mentor and that could provide some companionship for Molly in her golden years. I honestly do not know how Molly would take to another dog in the house when she is used to being the sole diva and getting all of the attention. Attention, especially mine, is something I don't think she would be willing to share.

I think as long as I was around, I think Molly would be fine with it. As soon as I turned my back or left the house, it would probably be something straight out of a Looney Tunes cartoon. "So you think your cute, huh?" Smack! "Trying to be adorable, are you?" Whack!! "Trying to get some attention, will you?" Stooge Slap!!!

That is about the time the dream bubble bursts and I come back to reality and become aware that this is Molly's world and I am allowed to live in it.

Hamburger Helper

Today is day three of my mandatory two week infirmary sentence because of my foot and if it wasn't for Molly, I would probably be insane by now from boredom and having no one to talk to during the day.

Since I was going to be hobbling around the house in one of those cumbersome walking boots, I made myself a pan of Hamburger Helper the other night because I knew it would last me about three days.

First of all, Molly is a "pot licker" if there ever was one. The smell of Hamburger Helper cooking on the stove quickly caught her attention and, to her credit, she waited patiently until it was done and I helped myself to a bowl. She had to get a closer smell so she sat right at my feet while I ate my bowl of hamburger, noodle, and cheese goodness. She exhibited a great amount of patience and waited until I sat the bowl in front of her so she could clean it for me (and yes, I always wash it afterwards) and clean it she did.

The bowl started out by the kitchen table when she started licking it. By the time she was done with it, the bowl had traveled through three different rooms in the house before it finally came to rest in my computer room beside the chair I was sitting in. At this time, I attempted to pick up the bowl but Molly quickly informed me that there might be a microbial particle of Hamburger Helper left so I had to leave the bowl for about ten more minutes. I can't say Molly doesn't help out around the house.

Reincarnation

If there is such a thing as reincarnation, I want to come back as a dog with the type of owner that I am to Molly. She lives the life and I don't even know if "diva" describes it any more.

Molly typically turns in about 7 or 7:30 at night.

I walk into the bedroom last night to get something and she is stretched out on my bed, sound asleep. I have a red satin-looking sleeping bag on my bed for her to sleep on and with her white coat of fur, she looks very regal sleeping on it. She looks up at me, yawns real big, stretches, rolls over, and goes back to sleep.

Molly and the Pizza Guy

I order delivery Pizza from Pizza Hut quite often and Molly can look out the window and see the Pizza Guy driving down the road with the sign on top of the car and she starts going nuts.

I don't know if she can smell the pizza from that far away or what, but she starts barking and running thru the house from end-to-end. I usually end up having to shut her up in one of the rooms until I pay him and he leaves.

I don't think Molly is actually a big fan of the pizza itself, she just loves the crust. She will sit dutifully at my feet and if she thinks I am forgetting about her, she will nudge me with her nose and let out a little "woof" as a reminder. She gets her fair share until it is all gone. Once she has had her belly full, its nap time. She is such a creature of habit.

I Enable the Diva

I will be the first to admit that I pamper the diva known as Molly. She has the run of the house, she gets what she wants when she wants it, and she doesn't have a care in the world.

When it rains and Molly has to go outside, I may take her "divaness" to a whole new level especially if it is raining hard. I put on my blue rain coat and my Indiana Jones hat, grab my umbrella, and head out the door. The only problem with this scenario is that the umbrella is not for me, it is for Molly. I walk around the yard holding the umbrella over her so she doesn't get wet and she can do her business. I am sure it is a sight to see.

Why do I do this? It's Molly's World, she just graciously allows me to be in it.

The Language of a Dog

A friend of mine told me the other day that she loved how I knew exactly what my dog wanted with her different barks and her body language. I had never really thought about it before but my friend was right.

When we get up in the morning, Molly starts stretching right before she wants out. She stretches out her front legs and then she stretches out her back legs one at a time. Sometimes she doesn't want out right after we get up, she just wants her morning treat first. The treat has become a standard and there really is no communication necessary for that. If I have been negligent in my duties and i have ran out of treats, then she will sit in between me and the pantry and give me disapproving looks because she knows one is not forthcoming.

If I have not noticed what time it is or I am busy, she will find me (usually in front of the computer or the TV) and start barking at me when she needs to go take care of her business. If I do not react quickly enough, the barking gets louder and more urgent and she will run up to me, bark real loud, and then run away.

She also has different barks for different things that are going on outside. If she sees one of neighbors mongrels in sight or in our yard, it starts out as a low growl that turns into a high pitched whine but never really develops into a full fledged bark. If she hears the UPS truck, it is a series of loud barks. If she hears something and doesn't know what it is, it is a bark with a question mark at the end of it.

I have learned how to interpret all of Molly's barks and body language and she has learned how to interpret mine. We are on the same page and it is too bad I am not in tune with people like this. It is really a shame that people's needs are not as simple as a dogs.